


If this is love then love is easy

by MissSophie23



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: A few firsts, F/M, Kitchen make out, Or the try of it, Reckless teenagers in love, Smut, reckless but also responsible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-06 03:39:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17932133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSophie23/pseuds/MissSophie23
Summary: A little series of Peter and Lara Jean's way to their first time; because the first time is always special just as the way to it.





	1. There is nothing holding me back

**Author's Note:**

> So, I just watched the movie for the 1.256th time and I don't know, but these ideas just popped up into my mind ... it's my first work for this fandom and - obviously - it is unbeta-ed. All mistakes are mine.
> 
> I hope you like my little trip into the world of two teenagers who are madly and deeply and foolishly in love :-)
> 
> title inspired by McFly - love is easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean eats dinner at the Kavinsky's, like usual. A normal evening, which ends in a slightly awkward fiasco, after Peter and Lara Jean are left alone to clean up the kitchen table ... and eating some dessert ...

**There's nothing holding me back**

_She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing_  
_And maybe I should stop and start confessing_  
_Confessing, yeah_  
_Oh, I've been shaking_ _  
I love it when you go crazy_

(by shawn mendes)

  


Peter Kavinsky and Lara Jean Covey were officially dating for two and a half months now and Peter couldn’t have been happier. He loved everything about this girl. _His_ girl.

 

She was sweet, funny, clever and kind, but also naïve and shy. He loved her smile and the way she scrunched her nose when she didn’t get something right away. She was different than Gen, different than him but that was exactly what he liked about her. That and that his family loved Lara Jean as much as he did.

 

His mother liked having her over for dinner, like tonight. She had cooked delicious pasta casserole and they were just listening to Owen, who told them about today’s accident in chemistry when the phone rang and his mother disappeared to answer it.

While he tried to keep listening to Owen’s story, he couldn’t help himself but to eavesdrop on his mother’s call. His brows furrowed, when he heard a heavy sigh and a few seconds later, the brunette reappeared at the table.

“Everything okay?” Peter asked immediately and checked her facial expression. She smiled.

“That was Mrs. Bergstein. She asked if I could stop by and help her with the new laundry machine.”

Mrs. Bergstein was an 89-year old woman who lived right next to the Kavinsky's. She was like a grandmother to the boys and despite her bad hip and (sometimes relly) bad memory; she was a pretty healthy woman (for her age).

“Should I walk over?” Peter suggested but his mother declined with a head-shaking. “That’s sweet, but you don’t have to. Owen and I will stop by before I’ll drop him off at Cooper’s. But it would be nice if you two clean the table, though?” She looked from him to Lara Jean, who nodded eagerly, a sweet smile on her face. “Of course, no problem.”

His mother smiled thankfully in return before she told Owen to grab his bag. “It’s better we hurry. I’m a little afraid Mrs. Bergstein will flood the house or cause a blackout if she handles the laundry machine all by herself much longer.”

They both got up and a few moments later, Peter and Lara Jean were alone. “Huh,” Peter huffed and shook his head in amusement. Oh, the good old Mrs. Bergstein...

“Do you want dessert?” Peter offered his girlfriend, who chewed on her bottom lip for a second.

“What do you have to offer?”

“I don’t know.” Peter confessed and shrugged. “We’ll find something.”

They both got up and cleaned the table. After they loaded the dishwasher, Lara Jean hauled herself up on the kitchen island. Her legs hanging in the air and she pushed some of her hair behind the left ear.

“So, why does Mrs. Bergstein call your mom this late? Doesn’t she have any family?”

“Uh, no. Well, she has a son, but he lives a three hours car drive away, so she calls mom when she needs help. She is like a second grandmother.” Peter explained and put his hand right next to Lara Jean’s on the island, when he stepped a little closer.

“If so, maybe we can stop by some time and say hello? I could bake some cupcakes for her.” Lara Jean suggested, which made Peter grin proudly. Of course she would say something like this. It was so typical for her to offer a meet up with someone potentially close to his family.

“That sounds great.”

They both smiled at each other, when Lara Jean’s fingers grabbed his hand gently and pulled him even closer until he was standing in front of her. She bit down her bottom lip and spread her legs, so he could step in. Which he did – without a word, without a thought. His hands placed themselves next to her thighs, while she put her arms around his neck, her fingers caressing small circles on his skin. Even with her sitting on the cabinet, she was smaller than him, so he still had to look down a little. It made him smile.

“So, what about dessert?” He asked softly and his eyes roamed over hers. He was totally in awe - and in love.

Lara Jean just shrugged; a shy but also eager smile on her face. “What about it?”

Peter licked his lips and swallowed, his throat was dry like sand. He harrumphed, when he felt Lara Jean’s legs caging him in and pulling him a little closer.

 

“D-do you want any?” His voice sounded weird, a little too high to his ears. He felt his heartbeat speeding up, when he breathed in her sweet-fresh perfume. A mixture of caramel and magnolia.

 

It was getting hotter in the kitchen, right? Or was it just him who felt so sweaty suddenly? Peter’s eyes dropped down to her lips, her deliciously perfect kissable lips. His hands moved up her thighs to her waist and his right palm found its way underneath the fabric of LJ’s shirt. His fingertips touched her skin. She definitely let out a small, but shaky breath and her eyes flew from his eyes to his lips; her mouth slightly parted.

 

They were dating for two and a half months now. Actually even longer if you included their fake-dating. But despite some kissing and touching (mostly over their clothes), nothing had happened yet. It wasn’t like Peter was much more experienced than Lara Jean. He had only been with Gen, but in contrary to LJ, he had have had sex before. And he definitely didn’t want to pressure her, so he may initialised kisses, but everything more than that was on Lara Jean.

 

Her smile turned Peter’s stomach into knots.

 

“So no dessert?” He asked and his hand pushed further underneath her shirt, his palm spreading over the small of her back. He heard her swallowing, she whispered,

 

“I’m just getting it.”

 

His pulse jacked up, as she put her lips onto his. First it was soft, gentle, but the second he kissed her (the same way) back, Lara Jean put more desire into her motions and Peter got absorbed right away. He let out a deep breath through his nose and pulled Lara Jean further to the edge of the island, so their pelvises touched each other.

 

While Peter’s palm roamed over his girlfriend’s back, she ran one hand through his curly hair, scratching his scalp and causing him to moan quietly into the kiss. Which seemed to be encouraging her more, because she pushed her pelvis against his core and her tongue stripped playfully around his.

 

Hungrly, Peter leaned forward, winning himself a giggle from the girl in front of him. His body was on fire, his blood rushed straight down to his cock. His erection grew painfully fast in his jeans and he couldn’t help himself, but without thinking, he thrust it against Lara Jean’s center. She needed to know how turned on he was right now. That she was doing this to him in no time. When he thrust into her, she shivered and groaned loudly.

 

Damn, _that_ turned him on even _more_. His hands flew over her skin, hers grabbed loosely his shirt and she tilted her head, pressing herself forward. Her teeth clashed against his and while she kept pushing, he kept thrusting into her. It was a back and forth, a dance their bodies didn’t realize they were dancing.

 

It took them forever to break apart, but only for Peter to push Lara Jean’s head aside and giving himself access to her exposed neck. He started to place open mouthed kisses there immediately, a change of tongue, teeth and lips trailed down her skin.

 

When he put some extra effort into one particular spot, she moan breathlessly - and _loud!_

 

“Yeees. Oh God!”

 

It was a good thing they were alone right now, because there was no chance it would have been unheard in the living room if they weren’t.

 

The sound drove Peter wild and he wanted to hear that again. So he clutched his teeth a little harder, sucked even stronger against her skin; definitely leaving a hickey there. Which filled him with pride and even more desire.

 

“ _Peter,_ ” Lara Jean’s breathless but warning voice reached his ear and he chuckled against her neck.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“No, you’re not.”

 

“You are right.” He kissed the dark red spot and backed away to take a look at it, before catching the fiery gaze of his girlfriend. “I’m not.”

 

A grin spread over Lara Jean’s face and her fingers played with the hem of his shirt, while they kept staring at each other. Her chest lifted and lowered as quickly as his and with dark eyes, he licked his lips. Her gaze followed that motion and only a split of a second later, their lips crashed back together.

 

His hand pushed further upwards until it cupped her breast. He gave her a good squeeze, which made Lara Jean arching towards him. She sucked in his bottom lip, a moan escaped her once more as he pulled the cup of her bra aside and let his thumb circle over her nipple.

 

Peter let his tongue roam over hers, he leaned over, getting lost in kissing and touching her. His dick throbbed with anticipation and literally screamed at him to do something to relieve the pain. He rocked his hips eagerly against Lara Jean’s body, moaned into her mouth, which she answered with her own heavy breathing.

 

She backed away from his lips, her eyes casting down to her shirt where his hand was still rubbing her breast underneath the fabric. Lara Jean swallowed, before she leaned over, putting her mouth against his jawline and kissed her way towards his earlobe. Her hot breath right next to his ear, made Peter even dizzier and he sucked in a deep breath, when her tongue and teeth started playing with his earlobe.

 

“Fuck…”

 

It was all he could say right now, causing LJ giggling against his skin. Her hands grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it upwards. He helped her getting it over his head and the second it was off, he cupped her face and kissed her hungrily. She threw his shirt away and let her hands chasing over his naked torso.

 

Peter’s heartbeat was on maximum speed. He didn’t care that his kisses were messy now, nor that they were in the middle of his mother’s kitchen. All he wanted was to kiss and touch this girl. The person who stole his heart and drove him nuts! With her sweet smile, her happy laughter and her hot moans. Her hands left a hot feeling on his skin and it didn’t take long and they were pulling off her shirt too.

 

The moment Lara Jean was in front of him, only wearing her bra, Peter stilled and took the sight in. He was totally out of breath and his dark eyes focused on the view he was given. Her perfect covered tits, her soft skin, the long dark hair and her puffed lips and shy but equally hungry eyes.

 

Peter felt a hot rush through his dick and his heart stopped for a couple of beats because … seriously, he hadn’t seen anything so beautiful as this! Beautiful and sexy.

 

“What?” She asked, a nervous flutter in her voice. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No, it’s perfect.” Peter answered with a rusty, deep voice and darted forward, pulling her into a hungry kiss. He was craving for more, his body pressed up against LJ’s completely. And while one hand burried itself in the thick dark hair of hers, the other moved down to squeeze her marvellous breats.

 

His mouth followed, just as his other hand. He was kissing her cleavage, pressing his mouth against the soft rounds of her boobs, which were squeezed by his hands.

 

Lara Jean sucked in a highpitched breath. Her hands roamed over his shoulders and wandered up into his hair where she was pulling and scratching it. It made his dick tuck along, his hips started pushing against her all over again. Peter pulled down the right cup of her bra and took the nipple into his mouth. His tongue lavished over the hardened spot and his moan got mixed with Lara Jean’s.

 

She pushed herself against his erection, head falling back and her left hand grabbing his arm, digging her fingernails right into his skin. It was a painful, but hot and a turn-on likewise. His teeth bit down into her flesh, his hands moved behind her back, holding her in place when she started to move her hips quicker.

 

It made him moan against her skin. Hot and open mouthed. His tongue drove circles over her nipple, her cleavage. Hot headed and with a painfully throbbing dick, Peter fumbled with his belt and zipper, to open the tight jeans, taking some pressure of his rock-hard erection.

 

He scratched his teeth all over her skin. He kissed every spot of her, his hands started to open her jeans, while Lara Jean moaned. She gasped his name over and over again. It sounded like a prayer and he definitely got addicted to it. Her fingernails scratched open his back, his fingers still worked on her jeans and their lips crashed back on each other.

 

A satisfied feeling shot through him when he opened the girl’s jeans and put his fingers over the wet spot on her underwear.

 

“Fuck, you are so wet.” Peter groaned and rubbed her through the fabric. Lara Jean moaned, pressing her forehead against his and rocking herself against his hand. They were both breathing heavily and her voice chanted his name like a song. “Peter, Peter …”

 

It was hot and he wanted to hear his name again, so he pressed a little harder and a loud “Peter?” reached his ears.

 

But it was not coming from Lara Jean!

 

Peter froze. His heart, his brain, his lungs - everything stopped working. For a split of a second he didn’t move, he just stared distraught at Lara Jean, who was as shocked at he was. Then,

 

“Peter? Peter are you home?”

 

His mother! His mother called for him in the hallway.

 

It took them another second, before Peter and Lara Jean broke out of their jolt and startled searching for their clothes.

 

„Shit,“ Lara Jean hissed and jumped from the kitchen island. She closed her zipper and grabbed her shirt, while Peter’s heart raced like a thunderstorm in his chest.

 

„Fuck!“

 

What was his mother doing here already?! She wasn’t away for more than ten minutes, right? Peter fumbled with his jeans, his hands shaking. Hot sweat arose on his forehead. His mother yelled again, „Peter? I‘m back!“

 

He could hear her steps coming closer. Shit, his belt wasn’t closing correctly. _Screw it_ , he thought and looked for his shirt in panic. His mother would be in here any second! „Where is my shirt?“ He hissed and his eyes caught the shirt right then - halfway kn the sink. His stomach dropped dead to the bottom.

 

„Fuck.“

 

It wasn’t like he really had another choice here, wasn’t it? It was better if his mother saw him in a half wet shirt than _without any_ shirt! Lara Jean leaned over the island and passed him the shirt. He grabbed it and put the shirt over _just_ _on_ _time_ , because his mother stepped into the kitchen _right_ then.

 

“Do you want to-“ She stopped dead in her tracks.

 

Peter and Lara Jean tried to look as innocent as possible but it was probably pointless. Their faces must have been red from the heat, they’re both out of breath and Peter was pretty certain his hair looked like a mess.

 

His mother looked between him and Lara Jean, who shifted from one foot to the other and took a step too much away from him, making them look even more suspicious.

 

First, his mother looked confused, but she eyed them more closely then. Peter was on the edge of his nerves and the panic she would get the picture made himgreet her,

 

„Hey mom.“

 

Which was a mistake. He regretted it immediately! His voice was husky and breathless. And gave them right away. Peter pressed his lips into a thin line and he wished for a black hole to disappear in. Lara Jean was wiser and didn’t say anything. She just avoided looking at the adult and fumbled with her shirt.

 

His mother pursed her lips, her facial expressions hardened and fixed her eyes on him. Her voice was firm and _calm_ , when she told him,

 

„It’s getting late. I think it’s better if you bring Lara Jean home now.“

 

That was all she said, or that was all she said _out loud_. Peter swallowed, while Lara Jean let out a small whimper. „Yeah, okay.“ Peter agreed and didn’t dare to look down on him to check if his erection was still visible. He didn’t want to give his mother more hints of what Lara Jean and he had done a few moments ago.

 

So instead, he let Lara Jean walk in front of him, whose face was so ref it looked like sunburned, but she mustered up enough courage to thank his mother for the nice dinner and wished her good night.

 

„Good night Lara Jean.“ His mother returned, but her eyes were still on Peter. The way she looked at him, made Peter’s stomach sick. She knew. She had to, if her pointed, judging look she was giving him was any indication. Again, Peter swallowed and grabbed his car keys. He opened the door for Lara Jean and was just about to follow her, when his mother told him, „See you in twenty, Peter!“

 

It was her way telling him to just drip his girlfriend off and to head right back home. No delays! Peter nodded briefly and slipped through the front door.

 

When the door was shut, Lara Jean and him stopped for a moment and took a deep, very deep breath. They shared a nervous, worried look, before giggles escaped their lungs.

 

„Well, that was awkward.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the first part. If not, it's okay, you got through it xD If you did like it, please say so. I'm happy about any kind of feedback.
> 
> And yes, this chapter got inspired by the scene in the movie xD


	2. You're poison, running through my veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean are dating for four months now and finally their parents agree on letting them spending the night together - if someone is home!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys ... I was amazed by all the kudos and the comments I got for the last chapter. I didn't expect that kind of feedback and that the 'story' got liked by so many of you. I am very happy and hope you will stick around for the next part. I didn't start chapter 3 yet because of private reasons but I try to be quick. It might take a little longer for an update, though.
> 
> I hope you can enjoy the second chapter as much as the first.
> 
> WARNING: unprotective activities; I just got carried away. Sorry. Of course don't ever forget protection, unless you and your partner are okay with it!

**You're poison, running through my veins**

 

_I wanna love you but I better not touch (don't touch)_

_I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop_

_I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (too much)_

_I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison_

 

(by alice cooper)

  


When he had returned back home, after he dropped off Lara Jean (after their hot make out in his family’s kitchen), his mother had set him down for _the_ talk. Again. They had had the talk before, when he got together with Gen for the first time and just like back then, he still felt uncomfortable talking about sex with his mother. She reminded him of using protection, that he was as responsible for it as Lara Jean was and maybe even more since he was the more experienced one. She had told him to be careful and taking things _slow_. Peter had assured his mother that he wasn’t naive and knew (how) to use protection, despite Lara Jean taking birth control.

 

Although that awkward incident with his mother, Lara Jean had returned for another dinner a few days later.

 

They spent most of their days together, but none of their nights. Their parents hadn’t really put a ban on staying overnight, but they hadn’t approved that either. Even before the kitchen incident, but it seemed like they were eyed more closely after that. So, the last four months since they were dating, Peter had taken Lara Jean home at curfew or headed back home at the very last minute.

 

Until today.

 

Today, or rather said tonight, was the first time Lara Jean was staying with him. Peter had been thrilled when she had told him two days ago, that her father agreed on her staying overnight, _if_ his mother was home. So, the last two days Peter had spent most of his freetime to clean up his room. Like really cleaning up; changing the duvet covers, vacuuming the floor and stowed away his playboy magazines from underneath his bed into a box, which he buried deep in his locker.

 

He didn’t plan on making any sexual moves on Lara Jean, but he wanted to make their first night together special, though.

 

It was weird and nice at the same time, when they’d finished dinner and he didn’t have to drive her home. Instead of walking to his car, they were going upstairs and laid down on his bed. And yeah, okay, they made out. But just a little.

 

They watched a Netflix movie and when it was half past eleven, they changed into their sleeping clothes. Well, Lara Jean changed her outfit. In the bathroom. Because despite them dating for four months now, he hadn’t seen her (completely) naked. The most he had seen of her was Lara Jean in her underwear. So, of course she would slip into the bathroom for a change of clothes.

 

Peter instead just got out of his jeans and socks and stood a little lost in the middle of his own bedroom for a few moments. His heart hammered in his chest, his nerves tickled nervously underneath his skin and hot waves rushed through his body, while his mind was racing hundred miles per hour.

 

„Pull it together man,“ he told himself and ran his hands anxiously through his hair. His eyes flew across the room to his mirror, where he was greeted by his nerve-wracked looking reflection. God, he truly had to suck it up! It was just an _overnight stay_ . Nothing would happen tonight. He had hundreds of nights with Gen. _But not with Lara Jean_.

 

Damn, his heart flattered when he was only thinking of her and a pool of warmth spread through the pit of his stomach. He was madly in love, it was impossible to wrap his head around it. And he was scared to screw up. Like, big time.

 

A moment later, Lara Jean slipped back into the bedroom and Peter suppressed a low groan when he saw her only wearing a nightgown. Of fucking course she had to choose _this_ for their first night together! She was truly the only person he knew who could look (and be) so innocent and hot at the same time.

 

Some of his frustrations must have shown on his face because Lara Jean looked worried and asked, if everything was okay.

 

 _No!_ Nothing was okay with her looking _this good_ in a nightgown, which … which was the exact same nightgown she had worn on the ski trip! She got to be kidding him, right?!

 

“You are killing me, Lara Jean.“ Peter said and the torture was definitely there in his voice.

 

She looked down at her feet, a shy expression on her face and clearly nervous. His heart raked in his chest, while his eyes took her in. Slowly, like his brain - which barely functioned right now - was trying to memorise every detail. Just in case he screw up tonight and it would be the last time they spent a night together.

 

“So,“ Lara Jean whispered insecure and cast him a glance before looking to the bed, “which side is mine?“

 

It took Peter an embarrassing long second to pull out of his thoughts and getting his attention to her question.

 

He cleared his throat and tried to calm down his wild heart. “Choose. I don’t have a preference.“

 

While Lara Jean chewed on her bottom lip and eyed each bedside closely, considering which side to take, Peter couldn’t stop himself from watching her. With shy eyes he looked over and felt his heart jumping up and down. He swallowed and a shaky breath escaped his lungs. She was so _beautiful._

 

A small smile set on his lips when she made her decision and crawled over the mattress and underneath the duvet, choosing the spot next to the wall.

 

“Is that okay?“

 

“Yeah, of course.“

 

He took in the picture of her in his bed, covered with his blanket and suddenly his palms got sweaty. Like it was just hitting him; it was really happening. Him and her, in the same bed over the night! Peter licked his lips and tried to swipe his hands against his boxers as discreetly as possible as he strode over. His legs felt like jelly, her smile shy but cute made it even worse, even harder to breathe.

 

A few moments later Peter laid right next to her; under his own pair of duvet but their bodies were pretty close to each other. They laid on their side, looking and smiling at one another.

 

Even though it was silence, Peter’s heart made loud drumming sounds; which was all over in his head. His tongue darted out to wet his dry lips and there was this electric feeling in the air, which made his nerves go wild.

 

Hesitatingly, Lara Jean‘s hand stroke across his cheek, her eyes following its motions and when her fingers found their way into his hair, Peter closed his eyes, clearly enjoying her treatment. He could hear, even _feel_ , how Lara Jean scooted closer a moment later and his body’s temperature raised above any good.

 

He opened his eyes and was surprised of her proximity. He searched for her eyes and let his fingertips brushing her soft hair, when he whispered, “We don’t have to do anything.“

 

It was important for him that she knew, that he didn’t expect anything from her and this night. He didn’t want her to think she had to make a move because she was staying over. He was just happy having her with him. Despite, he was so nervous with just laying next to her already, he doubted that he was able to do anything, even if he would have wanted to.

 

“I know.“ Lara Jean whispered back and gave him a generously smile, which he returned softly and for a while, they just kept silently breathing and caressing each other. It was a nice moment and Peter felt his eyelids falling down more frequently. Which made Lara Jean giggle.

 

“Good night Peter.“ She closed the gap between them and kissed him gently goodnight. It _was_ a chaste kiss, but when Lara Jean pulled back, Peter was suddenly wide awake. Like the kiss had pumped some adrenaline through his veins. He kept his eyes closed, swallowing thickly and heard Lara Jean‘s heavy breath; which also did funny things to his stomach.

 

Peter opened his eyes, watching her watching him, or more particular his lips and his breath hitched up a little.

 

She started to smile, her hand still in his hair and her darkened eyes skipped between his lips and eyes.

 

“ _Lara Jean_ …“ He was out of breath, his voice hoarse and heavy with restrained craving for more.

 

Her smile just widened. She pressed her lips on his again, challenging him to return it equally. With the same soft but demanding pressure, the same hot and dangerously addicted taste.

 

And he resisted. He resisted for _whole five seconds_ , before his hand slipped into the back of her neck and pulled her closer to his face. To kiss her more eagerly.

 

Her hands were everywhere. In his neck, on his shoulders and over his chest, fisting his shirt to pull him closer. So close that they scooted under one blanket, their bodies pressed against each other and with each second the kiss got more passionate.

 

Lara Jean turned on her back, taking Peter with her so he hovered over her tiny body, one hand next to her to keeping himself up, the other sprawled across her neck. Her hands roamed over his back, pulling and pushing at his shirt. There were hot mingled breaths, clashing teeths and he sucked in her bottom lip. Her moan going straight through his lips to his hot throbbing groin.

 

The heat made Peter’s head dizzy and every other part of his body. His fingers touching her skin, exploring her body and he could barely hold himself back from letting them went deeper. He paid extra attention to his pelvis, keeping it up, so it wouldn’t touch Lara Jean. He meant what he had said, he didn’t want her to think she needed to do anything tonight. So, he didn’t want to give her any wrong ideas.

 

Her small hands slipped under his shirt, her nails ran slightly over his skin and causing him to shudder and a deep sound trembled from the back of his throat against her lips. He pushed down, kissing her deeper and sloppier - his pelvis still in a safe distance.

 

His mouth wandered off her lips, kissing her temple, her cheek, down her jawline and her neck.His tongue lavishing over her soft skin, her breath hitched and a moan escaped her when his teeth nibbled at her neck.It took Peter all his strength _not_ to thrust into her at that moment, because he got so caught up and lost with her. He pressed open mouthed kisses on her collarbone, his right hand recklessly grabbing and releasing the fabric of her nightgown, fighting the urge to push that fucking thing up. Trying not to think about that she was probably completely naked under it, no bra and no pants!

 

That thought alone almost broke his resolve and for a split of a second his fingers went south. Her breathing shattered at that moment and then she did it. Lara Jean arched her back and pressed herself against his rock-hard cock. Peter didn’t hold back the groan, his face buried against her skin and he didn’t care. But instinctively his right hand placed itself to her side, away from the dangerous zone and the hot temptation of touching her.

She pushed at him again and locked her legs around his lower back, to get him down with her, letting his erection pressing right into her. Lara Jean pushed harder against him, so he rubbed his groin deeper against her and _God_ , it killed him. She gasped, breathing fast and hot and Peter held back a loud pleasures groan.

 

He looked up and saw her biting her lip, eyes dizzy and full with desire and anticipation. They shared a heated look and ... then Peter thrust into her center all by choice, without any of her doing anything and _that_ was the moment all hell broke loose.

 

Their mouth crushed into each other messily, her fingers grabbed his shirt, lifting it up and off of him. She met his thrust with her own, clutching her tongue against his, their heavy breathing was starting to fill the room, more and more, louder and louder.

 

Peter’s hand roamed over the nightgown, pressing his palm against her waist and letting it wander deeper until he found her thighs. He let it stay there for a moment, then moved it up, sliding to the inner side first, palm sweaty on her skin hot. He got higher and higher, but then it changed its way towards her ass and he grabbed her flesh, squeezing and pushing her lower body up to meet him halfway.

 

Lara Jean moaned into his mouth, his hand moving back up her side, but this time underneath the fabric, and discovered her skin with his fingers inch by inch. Peter started kissing her neck again when he felt a soft pressure against his boxers. He groaned against her skin and didn’t even try _not_ to thrust into her hand, because that’s what he did. She hissed and chuckled a little, which made him chuckle too, his face buried deeper in the crane of her neck.

 

But then, suddenly, he choked on his laughter because for the very first time, Lara Jean Covey pushed her hands under his boxers and touched his hardened length. Peter sucked in a deep breath,

 

“Oh shit!”

 

It felt amazing! Her hands were small (smaller than Gen’s; not that he intentionally wanted to think about his ex right now!) but they stroke him well, a little shy maybe, but damn, she was doing great.

 

Which is why he pulled back from her neck, telling her with shaking words, “You don’t have to.”

 

And maybe it made him an ass, but he prayed to God that she wouldn’t stop. And a new rush of adrenaline kicked through him, when she answered with a husky voice,

 

“I know” and continued stroking him. She pushed her head up to catch his lips for another kiss. Her fingers stayed around his dick, pulling it up and down, making it harder and harder for Peter to keep his mind together.

 

They were going down a dangerous road, one he was afraid of not being able to turn back from, once they crossed a certain line. Peter knew he should right stop there, he knew it would only be a matter of time before he lost control over this and that it would end … in some way he didn’t want to. Well, he did want to have sex with his girlfriend, but it would be her first time (like at all!) and knowing she was a romantic, she deserved something better than a hushed (but hot) make out in his bedroom on their first night together.

 

Peter knew all of that. That he had to be the responsible one, because Lara Jean didn’t have any experience and he did. He knew that. He really did, but … but it didn’t stop him from stopping _this._ Not when she suddenly pulled down his boxers, so his cock sprang free and pushed her center slightly against his head.

 

Her wet folds slid against his dick and a blinding desire rushed through his body.

 

“ _Oh_ _fuck.”_ He sucked in a deep breath.

 

“Yes,” Lara Jean whispered desperately and her voice was shaking, eyes filled with fire, “Please do.” Her hand guided his cock right in front of her wet cunt, she pushed herself up and _against_ his better judgment, Peter slid into her.

 

It was an amazing feeling and his mind went black immediately, when he felt her hot and wet walls clenching around his dick. They shared a breathless breath, before pulling each other into a new messy kiss. He thrust out and in, each time a pulsing feeling waving through his body.

 

He cursed against her lips, “So tight”, her fingernails scratching over his back, causing him to shudder. They lose each other into the other person. Peter pulled out and pushed back in, without any second thoughts. They both got carried away with the moment, their kissing and moaning, the amazing feeling and intimate connection.

 

Red lines would probably be on his back by tomorrow and it spurred him on even more. His thrusts got longer, deeper. Lara Jean’s head fell into the pillow and loud moans escaped her more often, which Peter started to swallow with his mouth.

 

He kept rocking into her and God, it was the best feeling ever. So fucking good!

 

Peter worked up a good sweat under the duvet, while their breaths mingled, her hands ran through his hair, her hip meeting his thrusts. It was all too much and too little at the same time.

 

He put a hand on the wall, adjusting her leg, thrusting deeper into her.

 

“Yeah, yes,” Lara Jean choked and met his movements with her own. Her hands grabbing tight around his waist, urging him further.

 

Peter looked down at her and was totally awestrucked. She arched her back and something animalistic filled Peter with the need for Lara Jean to shout his name. He thrust harder, he wanted to watch her falling apart underneath him. He thrust deeper, he wanted her to come around his cock. He wanted -

 

Peter stopped, his heart racing thousand miles per hour and suddenly his mind switched back on. His eyes widened in shock, realising what he was doing right now - and, most importantly, _without_ protection!

 

He swallowed and shook his head.

 

“No. No, we can’t.”

 

He pulled out quickly, placing as much space as possible between him and Lara Jean, who just seemed to startle out of her trance; realising what they had been doing.

 

Peter laid down, his back on the mattress and hands over his face, ashamed of how much he lost control over himself (and the situation). What the fuck did he do?!

 

Silence surrounded them, their breathing slowly calming down. His heart was racing and everything inside his body was going upside down. Peter had a hand on his forehand, still in shock and disbelief what he had done.

 

“I, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, I-“ Peter started but Lara Jean stopped him. She sat up and shook her head, the blanket pressed over her chest.

 

Her face was red and voice rusty. She shook her head. “No, no it’s not your fault Peter. It was me. I, I initiated this.”

 

“I should have put a stop at this. I was so reckless. I wasn’t thinking. Oh gosh, without protection!”

 

It sunk in now, _what_ he has done. How could he let that happen? It was his job to make the right choices when it came to Lara Jean. He needed to keep a clear head all the time and not let himself carrying away with his feelings for her!

 

“I could have stop it too! But I didn’t, okay?” She insisted and tried to take the blame away from him. “And I am on birth control, so not completely without protection.”

 

As if that made it any better! Peter gave her a tortured look and the guilt was still all over him.

 

“But you are right, without a condom. I made you do this, you just -“ Lara Jean said but Peter cut her off,

 

“Followed along.”

 

It was sweet that she wanted to ease his conscience, but he still felt guilty.

 

“Which doesn’t make it okay. I didn’t want to push you in any way-“

 

“You didn’t!”

 

“And yet I let this happened. It shouldn’t be like this…” He sighed. Running his hand over his face, feeling his body calming down to a level which made him feel normal again.

 

“What?” Lara Jean asked confused and caught his eyes with a questioning glance.

 

“Your first time.”

 

Lara Jean laughed a little, smiling at him, when she said, “What? You mean hot and in love? Because that’s what it was, is. I love you Peter and I trust you.”

 

“Still, no condom.” He worried his lips but Lara Jean ignored him,

 

“Peter Kavinsky! I love you and you are the one I want to have my first time with, okay? It doesn’t have to be romantic like in the movies or the books I’m reading. That’s not real. This” she motioned between them “is real and I love every second of it!”

 

Peter swallowed. He still felt insecure about all of this.

 

“I love you too and that’s the reason why you deserve your first time to be special. And not a reckless thing at the middle of the night!”

 

She looked at him and smiled softly, then she leaned down and gave him a short but reassuring kiss.

 

“It’s special because it’s you and not anyone else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And? What did you like or not like? Tell me. And since chapter 3 isn't even started (but partly written in my head), if you want you can give me some suggestions of what should/could happen when Covinsky does have their first time ;-)


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